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KiKi's Journal

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

2:58AM

How many times do I have to say
To get away-get gone
Flip your shit past another lasses
Humble dwelling
You got your game, made your shot, and you got away
With a lot, but I'm not turned-on
So put away that meat you're selling
Cuz I do know what's good for me-
And I've done what I could for you
But you're not benefiting, and yet I'm sitting
Singing again, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
M'I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me
How many times can it escalate
Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?
And I must decide, if you must deride
That I'm much obliged to up and go
I'll idealize, then realize that it's no
Sacrifice, because the price is paid, and
There's nothing left to grieve
Fuckin go-
Cuz I've done what I could for you, and I do know what's
Good for me and I'm not benefiting, instead
I'm sitting singing again, singing again, singing again,
Sing, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
M'I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me

(A slit of my wrist)

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

2:53AM

I know what you’re doing,
I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame Will it ever change?


‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway...


I’ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?

I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don’t come and go

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway

(A slit of my wrist)

Sunday, July 3, 2005

11:48AM

- [11:28 AM]: and as far as me and - goes, i hate to sound like a pig, but our sex life is almost non existant, and that has to do with a bunch of complicated things
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:29 AM]: Haha, I can say the same here.
- [11:29 AM]: heres how it is
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:29 AM]: No, I completely understand. Sex is important in a relationship.
- [11:29 AM]: sara has social anxiety and she has to take meds
- [11:29 AM]: well around jan
- [11:30 AM]: she got put on a med that worked but its side effects made her tired and erased her sex drive
- [11:30 AM]: so now she is never in the mood
- [11:30 AM]: we have sex maybe once every 2 weeks if that
- [11:30 AM]: and that has been since jan
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:30 AM]: Well I can top that.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:30 AM]: Anyday.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:31 AM]: So I definately know how you feel.
- [11:31 AM]: why how many for you?
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:31 AM]: Well since the last time I can't remember how long... maybe a month.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:31 AM]: to be fair let's say 3 weeks... a month.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:31 AM]: And that's becoming normal.
- [11:31 AM]: yea that has happened to me a couple times too
- [11:32 AM]: well that sucks
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:32 AM]: 2 to 3 weeks is like... a minimum.
- [11:32 AM]: and like me and her have talked about, we are thinking of breaking up
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:32 AM]: for quite a while.
- [11:32 AM]: i miss sex!
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:32 AM]: Me too!
- [11:32 AM]: totally not fair
- [11:32 AM]: and the thing is, im suprised i havent cheated...
- [11:34 AM]: just because im a guy ya know
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:36 AM]: I was used to having sex everyday, and even then he complained. Then I just got fed up with things and for quite some time it's been large gaps in between. And it totally affects the relationship. "When sex becomes boring... so does the realtionship."
- [11:36 AM]: thats exactly how i feel
- [11:37 AM]: i cant believe he would be the one to complain, i would have sex with you anytime
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:38 AM]: Well at first it was, why is it so important to you? Why do we have to do it all the time? (And to me I don't think once a day is a lot to ask from a GUY)
- [11:39 AM]: definatly not!
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:39 AM]: and then when we stopped the only time we had sex was when he was horny (Which was rare) Or when I had to reach in his pants.
- [11:40 AM]: wow we are dating the same person
- [11:40 AM]: except its all on her
- [11:40 AM]: and i cant seem to get her going
- [11:40 AM]: and i HATE asking
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:40 AM]: And then I stopped trying to seduce him because I felt maybe he should be a part of it, and it would be nice for him to actually just get horny and start making out with me... and that pretty much never happens.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:41 AM]: And I also hate asking, it just ticks me off that I have to so we basically never have sex.
- [11:41 AM]: well im very sorry for you, and belive me if i was in his position i would have sex with you all the time!
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:45 AM]: Exactly.
- [11:46 AM]: youll probably laugh, but one time i found a pornstar that looks alot like you
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:46 AM]: i've told him a million times that I want to be with someone who actually appreciates my body and gets turned on by me.
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:46 AM]: LoL
- [11:46 AM]: of course as you can imagine thats what i do to compinsate, but its definatly not the same
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:47 AM]: Haha.
- [11:47 AM]: nikki you do remember that i was obsessed with you right?
PiccoloAttrice00 [11:47 AM]: Haha, well I wouldn't say obsessed, but yees.
- [11:47 AM]: no i really was

(A slit of my wrist)

Monday, May 16, 2005

5:58PM

This is going to be one extremely boring summer. Already I've started the pacing and looking out the door every 5 minutes as if I'm expecting someone. I really don't want to spend the summer like this. But I also really don't want a job and have no friends due to the fact that I can't stand people and I'm anti social.
On a better note, I got the referral and things look good. The nurse said that there's a good possibility that it may work out. Well... that's how she made it sound. I'm bored. I want to do something.

(A slit of my wrist)

Sunday, May 8, 2005

1:39PM

You're such a fucking whore, it makes me sick.
I really do hope you get an STD next time you fuck one of the little girls from your fan club. I don't give a shit about the fact that people talk to you, it's that you fail to mantion that you're in a relationship and indulge them in all their little fantasies.
But you don't have a girlfriend so you can go whore wild just like you wanted to because you don't have a girlfriend any more. Or wait... you probably do. Forgot that you always have at least one to shove your cock in. Seriously... GET THERAPY.

(A slit of my wrist)

Friday, April 8, 2005

10:11AM

Dude, I'm gonna drag Mark to the party tonight, we're gonna get drunk, and everyone is gonna stare at me all night.

Salvador is so loud.

How come I never went out with someone who did sweet shit like that for me?
I've got to stop picking fricken losers.

(A slit of my wrist)